Having previously worked at two municipalities, I understand people who work in government – any level – have a language all their own, consisting mainly of capital letters representing some profanely long description. It is much easier to say ECSO than trip over Engineering and Construction Support Office all day.

However, under no circumstances, and I mean NONE, are you allowed to substitute the word “interface” for “talks to/with.” As in, “I have not interfaced with him about this issue.” To do so will result in the building burning down around you after my brain merrily explodes.

That is all the announcements for today. Carry on.

*bimbles off*

Several friends have asked why I haven’t blogged about my new job. I honestly can’t think of a reason other than getting up at 6 a.m. again is kicking my ass sideways and the last time I blogged about a new job, it went to hell faster than you can say “lying assholes.”

So, I have a new job. It’s a contract job with the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, guaranteed one year, possibly two. Not the permanent gig I was wanting, but nine months of slogging through job sites and interviews will change your perspective. Not to mention that special hell known as medical insurance in this country, or, in my case, the lack thereof. I can’t go see “Sicko” because I figure it will cut a little too close to home at the moment.

Yeah, so the Corps of Engineers. I said years ago I’d never dance with the devil that is the federal government. That was before I realized he had a 401K plan and semi-affordable insurance. However, I figure being a contractor and not an actual Corps employee, I’m not really a minion of Satan, just a lower level imp.

The first week was the first week…. forms, getting lost in the building, getting a computer, getting a telephone, finding out the burgers in the cafe upstairs cost more than my rent. I’m a Public Affairs Specialist, but am assigned to a specific project. The person I’ll technically be reporting to was in DC all week. I had nothing to do but read files on the project and learn acronyms.

On the downside, I got a blister on my toe the first day from walking six blocks from a parking lot to the building. I started calling parking garages that day. Found one that only cost me one arm and took it. Had a small argument with a cement wall two days later and my car is a little worst for wear at the moment. For those of you who have navigated downtown parking garages, you know how fucking narrow and tight they are. I was actually PAYING ATTENTION going around one of these buggery corners and still took the right side of my car into a wall. My friend KN offered the advice of going on a weekend and practicing driving in it. She wasn’t joking.

And, I failed fingerprinting class. Apparently, I don’t have the skills necessary to roll one finger on the little machine and get a clean print. I got it when you have to press all your fingers down at once, but one at a time, I was a mess. I had everyone in the security office standing around me, offering advice and pointers. This is akin to standing behind me while I’m typing – I become a raving idiot. Finally, the head security dude said, “Okay, we’ll just take these. If the FBI can’t make out enough points, we’ll do it again.” I thinking I’ll be the only person in the building who has to go through the security point each day, instead of having a badge, because my fucking FINGERS DON’T WORK!

On the bright side, the security officer is a very nice man who kindly told me Friday I might want to go back out to my car and get my umbrella because we were supposed to get rain again. “I’d hate to see you have run back across the street in the pouring rain.” Perhaps there is a god.

So, there it is… a job for at least a year. Better than where I was sitting a week ago and, hopefully, it will lead to something permanent. For the moment, at least, things are okay.

*bimbles off*

Location: Lab Kat household
Date: Friday night
Time: Approximately 7:45 p.m.

Me: *Having logged on World of Warcraft and Teamspeak, am frantically running for a last-minute bathroom break and my meds*
JS: *Noticing activity* Got a raid tonight?
Me: Yepyep!
JS: Good luck. God speed. Kick some ass.
Me: *calls down hallway* THANK YOU!

*minutes later*

Me: *calls down hallway again* Ignore that text message.
JS: What text message?
Me: The one that says “You left TS on. Lol.”
JS: How insidious of me.
Me: Just ignore it. It was for a team member.
JS: Gotcha. Ignoring message.
Me: Thank you!

*bimbles off*