I am now a employment statistic.

Today, I was called into the conference room by my boss and told, due to the recent company restructuring, my job had been terminated. The change was not due to my performance, simply a company decision made as a part of the restructure and that the job I had was no longer needed.

I now live in laid-off land. I don’t know whether to be angry, scared to death or relieved.

*goes to lie down*

Dear lord, can it be……?

I drove to work this morning with the windows down and actually got a bit chilled.

*bimbles off*

Alas, my poor blog.

*wipes off a layer of dust and sneezes violently*

I didn’t mean to go into radio silence, but the past month – with a few shining exceptions – has been miserable. Miserable enough for me ignore my little corner of the online world here. It would take too much to put into coherent words what I have been, and continue to, feel and experience. So, I’ll leave those subjects alone for the moment.

The topic on my mind at the moment is my Dad. Today, he begins his retirement in reality. Technically, he retired six weeks ago, complete with the little faux-cheery reception at work. (To quote Dad, “You needed fucking hip waders to get through the bullshit.”) But, a second, unplanned shoulder surgery and selling his condo (“How many people does it TAKE to sell a house these days? I’ve gotten to where I just open the door, let the person wander in, then hand them a check.”) prevented him from starting on his true retirement plans – moving to New Mexico.

So, tonight, my Dad will get on a boat with his car loaded with clothes, electronics and his small military weapons cache and travel from Alaska – where he has lived the past 17 years – to Washington during the next five days. He will then spend the next few weeks driving to Alamagordo, New Mexico.

I’m not worried about his trip. In fact, I envy having that much time to just drive and take in the scenery – to not be rushing to get somewhere. I just feel…. odd. I’m old enough now for “parent” and “retirement” to be mentioned in the same breath. My Mom is set for next year. This new stage in my life feels like I’ve been tossed down the rabbit hole, unsure of how to process information. I’ve never known a day when my parents did not work. Now, they both get senior citizen discounts and talk of taking week-long trips to Florida and Vegas to meet friends. Okay, let me rephrase – they are offered senior citizen discounts. And, the person who makes this offer is usually treated to the rough side of their tongue on how they don’t need “that old person’s discount,” thank you very much. Harrumphtth and tch.

It’s the big steps that take the wind out of you – that cause your life to come rushing back at you, causing you to wonder where the hell nearly 40 years went? All the plans and wishes you had for your life faded as you got lost in the mundane task of living life. The inertia, the comfortable everyday routines are challenged when you realize your Dad is about to fulfill his lifelong wish of “living somewhere dry and without all the goddamned snow, thank you.”

Dad and I talked last night. I didn’t want to bother him today, which I’m sure will be filled with frantic last minute trips to the store and him asking, every five minutes, just where did he put his goddamned socks he planned to wear on the boat?

Dad: “You are the only one who hasn’t told me they were all worried about me driving that far.”
Me: “Why should I worry? You’re driving a tank (read: huge, old-man Buick) loaded with guns in the trunk. You’re safer than I am.”
Dad: *mock voice* “You just don’t care about your poor ol’ Dad.”
Me: “Yeah. Sure. You’ll call and I’ll holler back, ‘Is he dead? ‘Cause I’m not getting up from my bowl of spaghetti unless the bastard’s dead or seriously maimed.’”
Dad: *howls in laughter*

He said he’d try to call on my birthday, but his schedule might mess that up a couple of days. I told him fine, just don’t call on the Saturday night afterward as Army of Mom, KN and I will be knee-deep in an epic birthday/girl’s night out at LaBare.

Dad: “Christ. Did you need to tell me that?”
Me: “Well, it was warn you ahead of time or you hear loud, thumping music and AoM screaming “Take it off!” in the background.”
Dad: “You are completely messed up, you know that?”
Me: “If you’re just now getting that, you’re slower than I thought, old guy.”
Dad: “My own daughter, smart-assing me. I raised you so much better.”
Me: “Excuse me while I get my hip waders.”

And, this is the family member I get along with. Conversations between my middle sister and I would set your hair on fire.

So, yeah. My Dad is headed off on his adventure tonight. I’m happy for him and sad for myself at the same time. He gets to start a new life, all shiny and waiting to happen. I sorely miss being able to do that.

*bimbles off*